Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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