He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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