News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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