So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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