my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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