i permit you to call me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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