I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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