Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize