If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize