If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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