You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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