We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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