And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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