4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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