I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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