ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize