my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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