the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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