So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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