I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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