I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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