Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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