i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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