omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize