Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize