My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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