I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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