i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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