Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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