i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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