omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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