I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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