vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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