My underwear smells like fireworks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize