dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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