just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize