I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize