I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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