I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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