We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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