Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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