I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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