i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize