It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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