I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize