You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize