"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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