connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize