The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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