She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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